HIS GRACE(3)

“I don’t want to talk about it”

She jerked the sentence out.

“Look, it’s so obvious you haven’t handled your problem well. It still affects you and it’s even here in your painting. Plea-se, let’s talk about it.”

She dropped her brush, covered her face with her hands and cried although the sobs were silent. He moved closer to her and said

“Ayanna…” without finishing the sentence and put his arms around her trembling shoulders.

“It’s all right”                                                                                       

Time became still and the hands of the clock ticked-tocked backwards. The hours, minutes and seconds retraced their steps. Life in New York was exhilarating, exciting and intoxicating. Not seeing her father in a long time made her ready to jump into his arms and be pampered. Falling in love was not part of the deal until she met Kyle, her step brother. Kyle was drop dead gorgeous, not that she was noticing. It was only an observation, she had told herself. His cunning, manipulative and seductive nature helped him to get beneath her defenses. His wild nature helped him cajoled her into passionate nights of drugs and alcoholism. The scales which had blinded her fell from her eyes after been caught for shoplifting hit rock-bottom and realized her values and principles had faded away slowly like the snail. In her entire life, she had never dreamt of being in jail even if it was for two weeks. Though her world looked dark, a light broke through it and gave her hope. The rehabilitation center she checked into helped her pick up the broken pieces.

She drew a long shuddering breath. She had kept all of this bottled up. She said softly

“I find it difficult to forgive myself, I messed up big time and I don’t know if I can accept god’s forgiveness either.”

“You are not a Christian and you have not received his grace.” Onyeka said to her

“What?  A hard slap on her face would have felt better than what she felt in that instant.

“I’m a demonstration of god’s redemptive power and grace.”

“if you believed his word for your salvation then you must believe he washed all your sins away.  Revelation 1:5 mentions that he loved us and washed us from our sins in his own blood. Psalms 103:12 lets us know that as far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Isaiah 1:18 crowns it all with the fact that though our sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red as crimson, they shall be as wool.”

“What is your point?”

“I will be honest with you. God has completely forgiven you but you have not forgiven yourself. You need to accept what’s he’s made clean, my friend and that’s the truth.”

His words hit a raw nerve inside her and fought the grip of her past. Tears welled up in her eyes and flowed down her cheeks. She had bound herself to the fetters of sin consciousness for a long time and the waves of truth raged on the inside.

“Leave me alone, please.” she whispered

Ayanna opened her eyes to the smell of medicine. The sun streamed through the window and shone in her eyes. She closed her eyes tightly. She opened them again and shielded the light with her hand. On the locker beside the bed stood a vase containing flowers and Onyeka sat across from her.  Her head began to throb and spin.

“How did I get here? She wondered.

in a heartbeat, it dawned on her and her memory began to recollect. it was two days after the confrontational meeting with Onyeka. She wanted to pay him a visit and let him know, she was free at last. He stood across the road from her. She felt refreshed and rejuvenated. She waved at him excitedly. She walked over to cross the road. In a twinkling of an eye, he started to wave frantically but it was too late. She fell to the ground as a truck screeched to a halt. She looked at him, only to find him staring at her.

“Anything broken?”

“’no, you suffered a shock.”

“How do you feel? He asked taking her hands

“Forgiven!’

They burst into hilarious laughter and like an aroma of delicious food, it crept stealthily down the hallway.